As some of you know, I recently had the opportunity to lean into fear and ambiguity. About five weeks ago my Dad was diagnosed with pneumonia and a heart murmur. Turns out the murmur was a faulty heart valve and was in need of repair through open heart surgery. For over a month Dad has been in either a hospital or rehabilitation center.
I went to Maine to be with Dad and Martha, my step-mom, during the surgery. It was such an amazing day; from being with him in his hospital room at first light, to waiting, walking and sharing with Martha, to meditating and crying upon the Eastern Prom overlooking Casco Bay, to holding his hand in the ICU and telling him, I love you.
At the end of the day, Dad and I looked into each other's eyes and both said that it had been one of the best days of our lives.
I've been thinking about this since and wondering what made it so extraordinary. The outstanding quality was that all of us; Dad, Martha and myself, were very present. We were aware of the risks, the ambiguity and our fears. We were not pretending they did not exist, but by holding them lightly and not allowing them to overwhelm us, love was allowed to permeate the whole experience.
When we lean into our fears, embrace and go through them, a door opens and through this door flows love. And this flow is not a trickle, but a torrent which begins to rain down upon us, as though bestowed from heaven above. It is so extraordinarily beautiful we flush, well up and our heart feels like it may burst. We are, in those moments, Divine; holding the energy of God.
May we all lean in and open up more often.
PS. Dad came home two days ago. I am going to visit him, Martha and my Mom this weekend.